"to err is human, to forgive, canine."

that quote is from an unknown source, but don't you agree? i also like the quote, "the more people i meet, the more i like my dog." also, true. anyway, get ready for some wordiness...

lately, i've been feeling like a lard ass. sorry, underage readers. i've been in a funk, and i hope i'm not a debbie downer; the last thing i want is to be one of those people who posts nothing but complaints, because that's really not who i am, but lately i've been unhappy with myself. i got in such a good exercise routine during the spring, and i actually enjoyed exercising. i got to the weight i feel most comfortable with, and i almost had a little confidence. then woopie died. my exercise buddy, confidant and protector was gone, and since that day - may 4th - i haven't had any motivation to take a walk, a jog, or jump on the trampoline. trust me, i've tried, because i don't like being borderline lazy, but i go outside and start to take a walk and i get lonely. then the loneliness turns to sadness. then i just want to come back inside and cry. if woopie had never been my exercise buddy, it wouldn't matter now because i'd be used to exercising by myself, but after having that big pile of blonde fur keep me company every day for every walk i ever wanted to take, it makes it too depressing now to do it alone.

and, woop would also lay beside the trampoline in the backyard when i'd do my 30 minute jumping exercise. i'd tell him about my day, sing to him, or practice my german and french so my brain stays fresh and young. he didn't mind what we talked about just as long as we talked. i've also gone outside to jump on the trampoline since he's been gone, but the most i do is get on it, and then i just sit there because it's too lonely. two days after woop died, i went to lay out on the trampoline to cry and watch the birds, and out of nowhere, this woman came walking through my yard asking where a certain person lived on my street. i told her, and as soon as i turned away, i balled my eyes out. if my woopie were with me, he would have let me know that woman was around before she even got out of her car. so the trampoline really makes me sad.

anyway, the point is (i promise i'm almost finished rambling), i need to kickstart a healthier lifestyle, like i had when woop was around. i'm not sharing my weight because i don't want to gets comments and emails saying, "i would kill to be that weight," "that's so tiny," etc., but i will tell you that the eight pounds i've gained aren't welcomed. i've got a small frame, so even two pounds can mean the difference between jeans fitting comfortably and a button barely buttoning. what do you do when you feel this way? how do you get the motivation to change your habits? most importantly, how do you deal with the loneliness?

in other news, i've decided exactly what my next tattoo will be. who knows when i'll get it, but i've been playing with a certain idea for a while, and it finally came to me on my drive home from work. i'm not giving all the details as i'd rather show you (one day) when it's complete, but i realized that i needed to work in something mark bittner said that i absolutely love: "it's a heavenly thing to be allowed to touch a bird."

the end.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear about this. I have had a similar experience, actually.

    I used to go on really long bike rides with my older brother, who was a big bicycle enthusiast. I wasn't so great at keeping up with him at first, but soon we were pretty evenly matched. We went maybe twice a week, sometimes more. Then he moved to Richmond, met the love of his life, and joined the army, all in the same year. I worry about him constantly. I tried to bike alone, but I felt something like what you've described, a loneliness that made it less enjoyable than it could have been.

    Eventually I gave up, and I too gained some weight (more than 8 pounds, though). Then, about 9 months ago, I met a boy. Once things started to get comfortable between us, I told him about my brother, and how much I missed our bike rides in the evening. And that night was the first of a new tradition: my boyfriend and I now ride our bicycles together almost every night. I also got motivated to get a gym membership and go swimming a few times a week, and it's had a nice effect on my outlook on life.

    When I felt the lowest about the weight I'd gained, and the sadness I felt when I worried about my brother, I opened up to someone who loves me, and we found a solution together. Maybe that could work for you?

    I love your blog and shop, by the way. Your personality really shines through in your posts. :)

  2. aww, Danielle, if I were there I would give your a BIG bear sqweeze, I am so sorry for your sadness. I know exactly how you feel... You know how much I love animals and I don't know what I would do without our pups (and am having to face that thought, since Jake is having such a hard time), and I know exactly how much you can relate to the quotes you have posted... I wonder, is there a shelter where you could possibly volunteer to walk dogs who need love and attention (maybe that would be too hard), I know we have a shelter here in town and people volunteer and walk the dogs downtown so they get attention and exercise. Just a thought. Also, it might sound silly, but don't fight the sadness, in my experience, that only makes it worse. If you have to cry, cry, it is part of the healing process and although it isn't fun, it does help in the long run. I hope this helps, and also I am always around if you want to talk to someone, fb me and I can give you my #, or I can hold the phone up to Veda's puppy ear and you can vent to her, she is a good listener...
    So much love to you, I hope your heart heals quickly, and don't forget, just because woop isn't physically with you, doesn't mean he can't hear you, he loves you and will always be around you, you are bonded.
    <3 to you

  3. dearest, that is the perfect quote and so the truth.

    i am thinking of you and got your email. HUGS TO YOU!!!

    YOU ARE A BIG DEAL. you are loved. and you are beautiful as you are.

    let's go for some antique thrifting therapy yes? let me know when.

    woopie is jumping on a trampoline with mooshie (my family chihuahua) so don't you worry. xoxo

  4. we are all a few pounds more than we'd like to be. maybe motivate yourself with a new tattoo? either before or after you lose those pesky 8? you truly are beautiful but you have to be comfortable with yourself! xo

  5. What a beautiful dog!
    I never had a dog although I really wanted one but since we are leaving in a concrete world; it is not ideal.
    Hang in there. You are not alone as some days I have similar feeling; it is totally normal. I personally find it hard that one day someone is here and then nothing. I know time heals it is what I keep telling myself. I try not to think to much and keep myself busy. hum the gym, I go twice a week but with a trainer because otherwise, forget about it, I will never go. It is not easy but after an hour of exercising and a good shower, I feel better. It will take me some times to get back to my normal weight as with the pregnancy well, I did gain. None of my jeans fits and I tried to squeeze myself in them and broke one pair. I feel confident that I will get back into shape; it just takes time. Since Ingrid is sleeping, I am taking this opportunity to write. I am sending you a ray of sunshine. Have a good weekend! Take care

  6. Losing a furry child is so very hard,I unfortunately know all too well. The best way to fill that hole in your heart...is to find another little soul that needs you. Because of the crappy economy, my vet told me the other day that pet adoptions are at an all time low, which means horribly more dogs & cats are being euthanized. Check out your local shelters, no one could ever replace your beloved Cheesecake but you can find another little one to focus your love & attention on. Find your peace, it's out there. Sending positive thoughts & prayers your way.

  7. I can totally relate to the empty place left by the passing of animal companions. Our cat, Sadie, died suddenly last year, after being with us almost since the beginning of our relationship. I still think I see her sometimes around the apartment and I can't imagine what life will be like someday without our dog, Lola. I suppose the only thing I can say is that it'll always be kind of tough but thinking about the things you did together as happy times rather than sad reminders is a good thing to aim for. I've gone from seeing Sadie's special places as empty to seeing them as cozy reminders of the little life we nurtured for so many years.

  8. thanks you so much for your kind words, guys! i always miss cheesecake (woopie), but i miss him so much more when i do a routine thing that he would always do with me. i think the whole being in a funk thing makes ot worse. anyway, thanks for being so sweet!

  9. This post made me so sad. I know how painful it is to lose the kind of friend and confidant that is your pet. I am deeply sorry for your loss, and all I can say is the pain fades with time. Until then, find a totally new activity that you never did with your pup, and make it your new thing. No one likes feeling like a lardass.

  10. Again, I'm so sorry about your confidant. I've never owned a dog, but I have owned an animal. I've never had an animal pass away but I have had a parent, and I know the feeling of freezing and not wanting to do anything, especially when you did everything with them. Love is love in any form, human or Woopie. I think since being aware of how you feel is a huge deal. Sometimes it takes months for some of us to realize what we are feeling exactly. This usually is a big step into something big. I hope that helps!


I'd love to hear what you think!