Meet Lucy

My last scheduled OB appointment was set for July 24 (my due date was July 26) and I just knew I'd have my baby by then.  I didn't.  After declining to have my membranes stripped to possibly induce labor, my doctor scheduled another appointment July 30 to do another ultrasound, measure the baby, check amniotic fluid level, etc., but neither of us thought I'd make it to that appointment.  I did.

During the ultrasound, my baby looked nice and healthy, was doing a fair bit of kicking, and had a strong heartbeat.  But then, dun dun dun, the doctor came in and said that because of dangerously low amniotic fluid, that baby had to get out - NOW.  If I never mentioned it before, the two things I never wanted to happen were induction and c-section.  I cried and cried and cried some more because I WASN'T READY TO HAVE MY BABY FORCED OUT THAT DAY!  After heading home to get the animals squared away and pack a few last minute things I didn't have in my hospital bag, Chris and I headed to the labor and delivery unit to get checked in and have me induced.  I cried a lot more.

Dr. Sadist (we'll call her that) came in and promptly stripped my membranes and dared me to cry (not really, but I bet she would have since she was not friendly or gentle) and started the induction process with Cytotec; pretty much immediately, contractions started.  When I checked in, I was about 3cm dilated and 70% effaced, so I hoped that the quick-onset contractions meant labor and delivery would happen sooner rather than later.  Several hours later, after there was no change, Dr. Polite broke my water and started me on Pitocin.  Surely things would start moving right along now.  One of the nurses on duty kept telling Chris, my parents and I that we would have a baby soon, soon, soon, but still, there was no baby.  A couple shift changes (and a day) later, Dr. Handsome said that I would have a baby by midnight.  And that made me nervous -  a baby on a schedule means possible c-section.

It turns out, a blue full moon brings babies out of the womb and into the world right and left.  Because the labor and delivery unit wasn't staffed to handle such a busy birthing night, patients were prioritized; I wasn't progressing very quickly, so I was a low priority.  My pitocin was turned off and I was left waiting, water broken, with diminishing contractions since my  body wasn't ready to have a baby, and every second that passed made me more sure I would end up having my baby cut out rather than pushed out.  When Dr. Passive came in, she didn't want to turn the pitocin back on, but wait around to see what happened instead, and that was the first mention of a c-section.  Not too long after that, after using everything they had in the unit to induce labor and monitor me and 9cm dialted and 100% effaced, my baby's heartbeat suddenly slowed and was difficult to locate.  Tubes and wires were flying, nurses were stabbing me with needles, Chris was given scrubs, and the nurses were running, pushing my bed to the operating room all for the safety of my baby - I had to have a c-section.

Although the epidural eliminates pain, it does not eliminate sensations and pressure, so I could still feel, in a sense, everything that was happening to my body, all while worrying that I might never get to meet my baby.  Naturally, I had a panic attack.  It was so embarrassing.  And, naturally, Chris wanted to watch, and later relayed to me that nurses were yanking on either side of the incision as if they were trying to rip my flesh with their bare hands (that was the awful, jerking sensation I was feeling while laying on the table), and that my uterus was laying on my chest as they stitched it up.  Gross.  And they fixed a hernia while they were up to their elbows in my guts.  BUT I HAD A HEALTHY BABY GIRL!

My Lucy Adelaide was born on July 31 at 9:27pm with long fingernails, weighing 7 pounds 14.5 ounces, and measuring 21" long.

Was the experience at all like I'd wanted or hoped it would be?  Absolutely not.  Would I do it again?  I would do it a million times over for my baby Lucy.  I had (and still have) a lot of feelings about needing to have an emergency c-section.  I feel I was cheated out of the birthing experience; I know there are women who look at c-sections as an easy way out, but it wasn't easy - both physically and emotionally - and it wasn't my choosing; I didn't get to have the skin-to-skin contact after birth that experts all say is so very important; and I wasn't the first one to hold my baby - the baby I'd been carrying for nearly 41 weeks.  It doesn't bother me as much as it did, but the feelings are still there, and when I think about it and get bummed, I just remind myself that I have the most beautiful baby girl, and that's the only thing that matters!

22 weeks: big and healthy

Chris and I (along with our parents) went for the 22-week ultrasound on Wednesday to see our beautiful baby one last time before birth and, as I expected, it was pure magic and loads of happy tears.  We discovered that our baby is growing a little bigger than average, weighing in at 1 pound 3 ounces, or 538 grams (the average weight being 1 pound, or 478 grams), and we I managed to muster up enough willpower to keep my head turned while the ultrasound tech was measuring the legs so the gender would remain a mystery.

Current cravings: candy, donuts, cookies, pretty much anything sweet (which is strange considering I didn't have a big sweet tooth pre-pregnancy).
Current weight gain: 12 pounds!  WOW!  My weight gain was very slow at first, and this time I thought that I'd step on the scale and it would read 107 pounds, but when I saw 109.4 pounds, I think it was a cartoon moment where my eyes got really huge and temporarily popped out of my head!  I'm happy though because it means things are progressing just as they should.
Current projects: I cleaned A LOT of stuff out of the closet in the bedroom that will be the nursery (and it's a good thing considering Chris and I found an amazing deal on a stroller/carseat travel system the next day; there's now plenty of room for it in the newly-organized closet), settling on a wall color for the nursery (which will be a super pale shade of grey), making the baby's bird mobile to hang above the crib!
Current favorite thing: still, it's feeling the baby's movements and watching my stomach pop out and contort with each movement.
Current annoying thing: when people give me "helpful" advice even though I've already decided things (for example, telling me that I can do the nursery in green or yellow even though the color scheme has already been decided; or telling me that I can add pink or blue to the nursery once baby is born, even though it will work just fine for either gender without the addition of pink or blue).  To be honest, I think most people just don't understand not finding out the sex, or doing things gender neutral.

Last, Chris and I were waiting in line at the pharmacy today when I was giving him a list of all the candy and sweets I wouldn't mind be surprised with on Easter morning (I'm telling you, I'm a sugar fiend these days, and the fact that Easter candy is EVERYWHERE doesn't help).  I got down the list to "box of donuts" and he said, a little loudly, "A BOX OF NEWPORTS?!"  Hopefully no one heard it as he did, noticed I was pregnant, and immediately cursed me.

20 weeks: I pity the fool who steals my donuts!

I cannot believe I'm at the halfway point in my pregnancy.  WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!  I've been enjoying every single minute of it (I imagine the absence of morning sickness, bleeding gums, stretch marks and the other typical pregnancy afflictions play a part in the enjoyment), and I want to try living in each and every moment as best I can so as not to let this precious time pass too quickly!

I thought it would be fun to do a weekly update to look back on once the due date is near, or once baby is here so I can relive the excitement of pregnancy!  So...

My current craving is: DONUTS! GIMME ALL THE DONUTS.  If Chris keeps eating my donuts though, my inner Hulk might come out.
My current weight gain is: 7.5 pounds, and trust me, I'm eating everything in sight...constantly.
Weird thing: I really like apples now.  I hated them before pregnancy, but now I eat one almost daily.
Baby's size: According to the app I use and a book I have, about 6.5" crown to rump and 10.5 ounces, but I have a feeling baby might be a bit bigger since he or she measured at 1.5 weeks larger size at the first ultrasound (Chris is 6'2", so I think we know who baby takes after in length).
My current belly measurement: 31", up from 23" pre- and early-pregnancy.
Favorite part: seeing my belly move when baby is kicking!  I could watch that all day, everyday, and never get tired!
Gender prediction: Boy.  We're not finding out baby Lucy or James' gender because we like the idea of a surprise, but for some reason, I just feel like this baby is a boy.

Big change, little bump.

I've held off on blogging for some time because I knew I wouldn't be able to not mention my biggest news, and the most exciting experience of my life thus far - I'm going to have a baby.  It's funny how, in an instant, I went from thinking about getting new stones for earrings I needed to make; a pair of boots I'd love to have; where my husband and I would go out to eat, to: finishing the work that needs to be done to our house; creating a nursery; learning all I can about breastfeeding; birthing a baby; raising a healthy and loved child.  I don't feel that I'm a different person, but I now have a new facet to my life and personality that seems so natural I can't believe I'm just now experiencing it.

I'm just shy of 18 weeks, and in the last couple weeks my bump has finally become visible so that bloated-but-not-pregnant look is (luckily) a thing of the past!  I've been lucky enough not to experience morning sickness, heartburn, swelling, or many of the other common pregnancy discomforts, but the downside to feeling so great (in fact, better than I did pre-pregnancy) is that I'm a worrier, so I stressed and stressed about the fact that I didn't feel pregnant, so suppose I wasn't any longer.  It's crazy, I know.  My grandma even laughed at me when I told her I'd taken a total of seven pregnancy tests, saw the baby moving like crazy on the ultrasound, and heart his or her heartbeat on the doppler, but I still worried.  So my growing belly is much-needed reassurance that baby James or Lucy is growing and things are progressing as they should.

While I'm anxious to finally be able to meet my baby, I can't wait to experience all the joys of pregnancy, and I feel I'm at the point where those things will start happening and the fact that I'm a mom will become more and more real!

the cutest pictures. ever.

Seriously. I challenge you to find something cuter! I found some of these pictures over at weheartit, and I couldn't wipe that silly smile off of my face. Each picture just seemed more perfect than the last! Here are a few, in no particular order as it would be impossible to rate the cuteness!