lately, i've been feeling like a lard ass. sorry, underage readers. i've been in a funk, and i hope i'm not a debbie downer; the last thing i want is to be one of those people who posts nothing but complaints, because that's really not who i am, but lately i've been unhappy with myself. i got in such a good exercise routine during the spring, and i actually enjoyed exercising. i got to the weight i feel most comfortable with, and i almost had a little confidence. then woopie died. my exercise buddy, confidant and protector was gone, and since that day - may 4th - i haven't had any motivation to take a walk, a jog, or jump on the trampoline. trust me, i've tried, because i don't like being borderline lazy, but i go outside and start to take a walk and i get lonely. then the loneliness turns to sadness. then i just want to come back inside and cry. if woopie had never been my exercise buddy, it wouldn't matter now because i'd be used to exercising by myself, but after having that big pile of blonde fur keep me company every day for every walk i ever wanted to take, it makes it too depressing now to do it alone.
and, woop would also lay beside the trampoline in the backyard when i'd do my 30 minute jumping exercise. i'd tell him about my day, sing to him, or practice my german and french so my brain stays fresh and young. he didn't mind what we talked about just as long as we talked. i've also gone outside to jump on the trampoline since he's been gone, but the most i do is get on it, and then i just sit there because it's too lonely. two days after woop died, i went to lay out on the trampoline to cry and watch the birds, and out of nowhere, this woman came walking through my yard asking where a certain person lived on my street. i told her, and as soon as i turned away, i balled my eyes out. if my woopie were with me, he would have let me know that woman was around before she even got out of her car. so the trampoline really makes me sad.
anyway, the point is (i promise i'm almost finished rambling), i need to kickstart a healthier lifestyle, like i had when woop was around. i'm not sharing my weight because i don't want to gets comments and emails saying, "i would kill to be that weight," "that's so tiny," etc., but i will tell you that the eight pounds i've gained aren't welcomed. i've got a small frame, so even two pounds can mean the difference between jeans fitting comfortably and a button barely buttoning. what do you do when you feel this way? how do you get the motivation to change your habits? most importantly, how do you deal with the loneliness?
in other news, i've decided exactly what my next tattoo will be. who knows when i'll get it, but i've been playing with a certain idea for a while, and it finally came to me on my drive home from work. i'm not giving all the details as i'd rather show you (one day) when it's complete, but i realized that i needed to work in something mark bittner said that i absolutely love: "it's a heavenly thing to be allowed to touch a bird."