this is real life: myth vs. reality

i'm posting this whilst i sit on top of my rainbow wearing $400 shoes, eating negative calorie foods, waiting for my lover to finish drawing me a hot bath sprinkled with rose petals. oh wait, that's right, i live in the REAL WORLD. i'm actually wearing pajama pants, a sweatshirt with holes, and thinking about cinnamon buns.

have you ever read blogs and thought to yourself, "is this shit for real?! my life sucks in comparison." i felt it was my duty, as a blogger that doesn't want to get sucked into the black hole that is fantasy land, to separate the myths from the realities.

i have a question. yes? what's your tone here, and why am i wearing clothes? sarcastic, always sarcastic. and i think you're wearing clothes because your human fell into the cat craze quicksand.

let me preface this by saying that obviously i can't speak for everyone, but i'm speaking for myself, and for some of my blogger friends that sit scratching their heads wondering how such ridiculous notions continue to not only live, but thrive like bacteria in blog world.

myth #1 - bloggers eat really super ultra healthy foods that taste like dirt (and in some cases, look like it, too), and the average person hasn't heard of and can't pronounce. reality: there's nothing wrong with healthy food, and i do enjoy broccoli, asparagus, salads, and berries, but i know for a fact that some of these bloggers enjoy a good greasy plate of crap just as much as the rest of us - including myself. i'm also highly suspicious of some of these vegetarians. i have a feeling that a good number of them are closet carnivores that jumped on the vegetarian wagon because it's what the cool kids were doing. my thought: if someone repeatedly tells you about the dirt-like food with a million grams of fiber that they're eating, you'll find an in & out burger wrapper in their trash (along with some coca-cola cans, candy wrappers, and some left over taco bell).

myth #2 - the relationship of the blogger is far more passionate, romantic, and intense than any other. reality: i might puke. never believe a blogger's relationship or marriage is any different than the ones you see on cops where the man is always wearing a soiled wife beater. i kid! or maybe i don't... but what i'm saying is this: many bloggers won't be honest and tell you about an argument or disagreement they had. why? because it doesn't translate well into fantasy fiction. chris and i are very much in love; when they're blooming, he'll surprise me with a bouquet of wildflowers that he picked while he was working on our land, or he'll make up songs and sing them to me while he's taking a shower (of course some of them are about how is wife abuses him or has a big butt, but that's our brand of humor), but it doesn't mean we're without our lovers quarrels. when i, and my friends, read about candlelight dinners EVERY night, endless love notes sealed with a kiss, or his & hers spa dates, or whatever else there is out there, we can't help but for a very tiny second compare our own marriages or relationships. but then reality sets in - if we wanted to live that life we could have saved the money from getting married and immersed ourselves in romance novels! in real relationships, sometimes you're too tired for sex, and somebody will eventually have diarrhea.

myth #3 - all bloggers have jeffrey campbell shoes and designer clothes but no apparent source of income. reality: i don't get it. i've talked to a few fellow bloggers about this very same subject, and they don't get it either. regardless of how closets are filled with a dozen pairs of $200 shoes, i can assure you that most of us don't have closets that could be featured on the style network. i mean, you've seen what i've worn, so obviously you know this isn't the case with me. about the closest my shoes come to being designer is the pair of isaac mizrahi for target peep toes i got on clearance. i'm not ashamed to say i have no fancy labels in my closet (unless you count j. crew from sample sales fancy), and that i get most of my clothes via thrifting, from target or tj maxx, and some hand-me-downs from my very stylish aunt kimberly.

myth #4 - bloggers do a lot of traveling. reality: the ones with important/fancy jobs or money probably do. given my current financial situation, the last few trips i've taken have been so graciously funded by my generous auntie amy. i didn't take a vacation this year, an although i dream on a daily basis of going to germany - to get in touch with my roots - or russia - because i've always thought it looked beautiful and interesting - the fact is, i may never go, because i have bills. believe you me, if i could take a trip once a month to some exotic location, or even just another state, i would, but until i become independently wealthy, i'll have to put this on hold.

myth #5 - bloggers only have happy, sunshiney days. reality: everyone gets pissed sometimes. of course there's no need to share every little thing that may annoy you or ruin your day, but honestly, i think that propelling the myth that things are 24/7 cotton candy and rainbows does a disservice to people not living in fantasy land. i know that some bloggers, including myself, like to every now and then see that someone else has had a bad day, a rude customer, a spat with a friend or spouse, etc., not because we thrive on the misery and pitfalls of others, but because it lets us see that they, like us, are real live humans. if i'm feeling in an exceptional bitchy mood, rest assured i'll try to stay away from social networking sites where i may contaminate an otherwise cheery atmosphere. i promise to always be real, whether that's good or bad, and to never address you by some term of endearment like dearie or lovie that i wouldn't say in real, off internet, life (but i guess that's a whole other story).

in closing, i love chick-fil-a fries and donuts, i get annoyed with my husband and slam doors from time to time, i wear cheap clothes, i don't have a passport, and i get pms. i hope we can still be friends.


  1. myth #3 - all bloggers have jeffrey campbell shoes and designer clothes but no apparent source of income.


    me and wife Lolo have a code word for this.


  2. LOL This post is awesome. I've had conversations about #3 with others as well and we discussed becoming fashion bloggers for the sole reason of getting free crap from ModCloth, etc ... Not that I'm knocking all fashion bloggers out there, but they make it seem like all you have to do to get a free dress is snap a photo of yourself playing dress-up and post about it. I also wonder how many of these "fashionistas" actually wear said photographed outfits past their front doorstep.

  3. Hahaha I would add that bloggers (esp fashion bloggers) have perfect makeup and hair at all times. I really liked this post because you're totally right - we're all guilty of talking only about the positive because usually it makes for better reading and, let's face it, it's easier for us to address happy things than to face not-so-happy things. :) This made me laugh and for that, thank you.

  4. This post is great. :)

    I'm one of the 'real' vegetarians. (Same goes for my hubs and son.) I've been a vegetarian for five years, my hubs for 3.5 and our son since he was born. But totes. So much of this post is sooo true.

  5. :D :D :D :D :D
    thank goodness for realness.
    seriously. I knew I wasn't the only one annoyed by these glamourous myths. :)


  6. You got me laughing here. What a great post. I feel most of what you wrote about often and I was sure there was others out there like me.
    The only conclusion I have come up with is that most bloggers are not real with themselves and this translates into their blogs. Or they use their blog as a way of self-discovery.

    Blogging is just another way of seeing where our society is heading. I find more fake then I would like to in the blogosphere which without carefully judgement can lead me to being sad or depressed that I am not good enough. Which in my option should never be how you feel about yourself or your blog.

    Keep keeping it real.
    Much Love,

  7. Danielle,
    You speak the truth. Blogging is a strange mix of fact and fiction. In truth, we do get to choose what we share, but the things we do choose should be honest and true to ourselves. I like reading positive blogs, that are also truthful and realistic. I want to be able to relate with the writer.
    You know me, the closest thing to designer I have are my dogs louis vuitton collars that came from a belt we repurposed. I wear my shoes until they have holes in them and I love pizza. I'm not skinny, I have a messy house and I dont always follow through with what I say. I'm human. I may not be the most positive person, but I like being able to let off steam on my blog and let people know that shit isn't always perfect...
    I love you for this, among other things, but your honesty is so refreshing. Most of my real life people dont understand what blogging is and why it is such an important part of my life, but im glad to have friends like you who get it. I also love bloggers who will honestly say they got something at walmart. THAT is truth.
    Love, Beca

  8. "in closing, i love chick-fil-a fries and donuts, i get annoyed with my husband and slam doors from time to time, i wear cheap clothes, i don't have a passport, and i get pms. i hope we can still be friends. "

    Those are the exact reasons I would actually WANT to be your friend outside of the blogging world. Shiny happy people are annoying as fuck.

  9. hahah this is so great! i find myself thinking this a lot and then it puts me into a depression, i have a love hate relationship with blog land because of this. i try to be as real as possible on my blog but i feel like my funniness does not shine through my writing so no one sees the real me. i try and take blogs with a grain of salt now so that i don't find myself "hating me life" but it can be hard....there is a blog i follow and she does a post called, "what i actually wore" which always makes me smile because sometimes i wonder if what some people wear in outfit posts are what they really did wear...just food for thought. thanks for posting this bit of reality!

  10. 'sometimes you're too tired for sex, and somebody will eventually have diarrhea.' this made me laugh out loud, and it is so true friend, so true.
    and i echo what april said, it is FOR all those reason that i love reading your blog! keep the 'realness' coming, along with the dry, sarcastic wit. love me some sarcasm!
    Thanks for posting this!

  11. Great post! I totally agree with what you're saying (and laughed out loud when I read, "sometimes you're too tired for sex, and somebody will eventually have diarrhea.") Also, I just wanted you to know that I always serve all my desserts and dinners on vintage china, placed on a perfectly folded and ironed cloth napkin, atop a weathered barn board with sprigs of herbs (or a light dusting of powdered sugar and a mint leaf) with whatever vegetable's in the meal, sliced and perfectly lying just in the background a little out of focus (or autumn leaves, spring flowers, or whatever the hell else is in season).

  12. girl fiancee, cheers for this!!! i'm the same with you-- hello clearance sales and greasy french fries!

    i am TRULY a vegetarian and have been since i was 14 that it irks me to no end when i see someone has decided to do it for merely the bandwagon trend. thank you for that.

    myth #2-- i may be guilty of writing how sweet my husband is on good days (i.e. snickers and the occasional massage gift -- though ugh, can you tell him that has not been since VA?! lol joking!!!) but i think the "real stuff" evens it out because i am not one to pretend it's always as good as a snickers (don't ask me the last time we had sex... i might have to think about it awhile... again again i joke! er sort of) i like raw honest posts and if you go through my "archives" you'll find it in there. Yet the minute i press publish on one of those, i get emails asking if everything's okay, are we ending things etc. Thankfully and hopefully we aren't ever-- but that's LIFE. that's reality.

    and i believe in sharing that with the good. not to be a debbie downer always, but when someone shares that their husband just got let go, or they don't want kids etc... i listen. Because it's refreshing to have realness.

    can you mention that we're not all photographers either?

    love you! i hope you understand said rambled comment.


  13. Completely love this post. Love. Love.

  14. You are a god. #3 is exactly spot on. WHERE DOES THE MONEY COME FROM?! And with all the bloggers... how does ModCloth make any money?!??!

  15. Ok, I have a lot to say about this and you know I'm very verbose, but I'll try to keep this succinct.

    Fact #1 - You are awesome. This post really made my day.

    Fact #2 - When you are actually a vegetarian (like I have been since I was 13) you get treated like you have special needs. It is actually not that cool to be vegetarian, especially when charcuterie plates (had to look up the spelling on that one) are the new tempeh. Ugh.

    Fact #3 - I dislike blogs geared solely towards consumption of consumer goods. Shop, lust after, gets so boring to me. I want to see the stuff that makes up an actual life, not remotely participate in the stuff stuff stuff race so many bloggers seem to be part of.

    Fact #4 - I should probably be Buddhist.

    Thanks so much for this post, Danielle! You really said a lot of the things that I've been thinking for while!

  16. I loved this post! Mostly because I totally share the ugly and the you said not all the ugly! :) You inspire me to keep on being me and keeping it real. The function that I love most from my blog is "meeting" people...there are so many people all spread throughout the globe that I consider my friends (you being one of em) that I meet through blogging. Its like I'm building a special Janna Army...and we shall take over the world...and make it sooooooo cute! :) Ha ha! I love my blog buddies...and prob met them because of keepin' it real! :) You ROCK! Hearts, Janna Lynn

  17. OH. I'm always screaming "TRUST FUND BABY! TRUST FUND BABY!" at the screen.

  18. danielle, now that i'm home and i can actually comment i am going to..because my computer at work sucks and i can actually think here.. anyway. this post is so dead on and it's funny because no one's life is perfect, and comparing your life to something that doesn't exist is only going to result in failure. It sucks, and everyone feels like they have to put on a show..I get not spilling every detail about having a bad day, or shitty life...but the bloggers I truly truly admire ,are the ones who are real..who will admit that they are frustrated, or upset, or having a bad day..real true people. thats why we connect with certain people, and with others we don't...when people are more open with me, i tend to feel like I can relate one can relate to a perfect robot who consumes 0 calories a day and looks like a fashion model.... let's get real!

  19. Such a good post. I never knew there were so many myths out there about bloggers. I just started blogging as a way to document life and random thoughts I have. But other than that this is an awesome post.

  20. This post was hilarious and so true! I have these same thoughts most of the time! Too funny!!!

  21. I agree with so many of these things, especially about fashion bloggers...I read fashion blogs to see what girls REALLY wear, and it's not helpful or inspiring if every single item is "c/o________" I mean, who wouldn't want to be showered with nice clothes, but I wish that more bloggers made it more about unique styling and less about being some sort of walking, talking billboard. the worst part is that most of the bloggers we're talking about don't NEED much of an income because so many things are gifted to them. It feels so inauthentic.

    I think that it's important to try to stay positive on blogs (no one wants to keep up with a complainer!), but it's even more important to inject a dose of real life into your blog here and there. life isn't always pretty clothes and instagram photos. sometimes life is messy and stressful and hard, and I think THAT is what makes it beautiful -- the ability to have those shitty days and struggles and still be able to come out on the other side enjoying life and appreciating what you have!

    i always love your honesty :)

  22. As Dianne said... rich parents!!
    Seriously. There is no other way of having an amazing, designer wardrobe, no job and the ability to jet off to a new country every month.
    I wouldn't mind it if people were honest about it!

    I really liked this blog post. It shouldn't need pointing out but it does. I'm sick of whimsical blogs where everyday is oh so magical and I can spend 3 hours cooking biscuits for my amazing boyfriend and then 4 hours crafting and then 2 hours taking outfit photos...

    I could go on but I should probably stop ranting! Haha.

  23. it's funny how I don't even realize how self-conscious I get when I read other blogs. I always think, "why am I not married" or "why don't i have cute kids yet" or even "how can I get their look?".
    Sometimes when I post really emotional posts or angry posts just ranting about something that upset me, I almost feel bad for posting something. I always have to remember, it's MY blog, I don't write for other people, I write for myself. Hmph. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I definitely feel less self-conscious now :)

  24. hahahaha i loved this!
    so true so true
    #3 bahahahahahaha i dont own any JC shoes so I guess I am a loser!

  25. I have my Pillsbury Doughboy No Sex T-Shirt on as I type.

    P.S. This post made me slap my computer screen and LOL.

    P.P.S. I bought a pair of Jeffrey Campbell shoes for $60 on ebay. Errrrryone else can just suck it:)

  26. I LOVE YOU!
    i think about this all the time! sometimes the blog world can be frustrating because all we get to hear about is sunshine and rainbows. which can make a person feel pretty deficient. its not that i don't get what they are trying to do: people want to stay positive, they don't want to share the icky details of their lives and air their dirty laundry (haha, sometimes i feel like twitter is a bloggers personal emotional outlet. bloggers tend to be less shiny on there hahaha)
    but still. just say your human sometimes helps us remember that you actually are.
    i get confused about how people have to time make one zillion DIYs!!! its crazy....
    oh, and how everyone is into the exact same indie music. bullshit. i would bet money you were listening to "moves like jagger" when you wrote that mix-tape post. ;P
    ps. i usually see c/o next to the JC shoes, so maybe they've been gifted? i think that is usually the case

  27. I think what amazes me more is that people really do think that some bloggers lifes are perfect and they believe these things... great post!

  28. I love you even more for your PMS. Also, going to email you because this post requires commentary & dreams of road trippin in the future!

  29. "in real relationships, sometimes you're too tired for sex, and somebody will eventually have diarrhea." Too funny!! Reminds me of the time my beau and I both had swine flu...

  30. I'm 25. As I read this I'm sat in bed nursing (well I had to put it down to comment) a lemsip as I've been in bed with a cold viral thing since about 4pm - now it's 11.15pm I got up for half an hour for a shower and about 20 minutes to cook noodles.

    I don't do what I wore posts that often because I tend to rock a t-shirt and trousers look to work most days. Sometimes this is dressed up to a short but even them I'm still the scruffy Herbert inside lol)

    As a joke I regularly tell my husband he smells like monkey poop or that he is a poo poo face. (yes I seem to have the mentality of a 6 year old boy who is obsessed with bodily functions lol. However it's funny). I also say "see you later alligator" before I leave for work (he replies in a while crocodile)

    I secretly wish we were super puke inducingly adorable like Marshall and Lily from HIMYM but we're not. (also you'd think I was lying if I blogged like that)

    Given the choice i would live on pizza and noodles but it messes up my insides and also affects my wallet because I have to buy bigger trousers!

    The closest I get to a designer label is either my bench hoodie that I gave away because it's too small (men's large my butt!) or my Cath Kidston handbag that I bought on eBay.

    If I had $200 (or £200) i'd be saving it as our maybe foster son of sorts starts a new school next summer and if he's still living with us we'll need new uniform.

  31. way to keep it real danielle :).

    i'm with you on myth #3 all the way...seriously.... where does all the $ come from?? and all the perfect sunny lives....

    i think we should all have a "let's be real" day where we get as many bloggers as we can to all commit to blogging what they really wore, what they really ate, how obnoxious their children really were and what they actually said to their husbands :). i'm

    miss you friend. i'm a terrible blog friend these days, but just wanted to pop in and say hi. love you lady!

  32. I agree with Lauren - lets do a get real day :)

  33. HAHA you know, it sucks because so many days I think "wow that was hilarious/awesome/whatever, I should blog about it!" but then I don't because i don't have a sexy outfit on or my hot professional photographer husband is nowhere to be found. And what's a post without a great full body shot????

    At the end of the day, the bloggers who have tons of readers, are great chefs, and just so happen to have an immaculate wardrobe obviously work hard. I'm sure a lot of bloggers easily get carried away when all the free shit starts to roll in...Then it's probably impossible to stay on top if the secret's out that you're not "perfect..." and the snowball effect continues. The internet will always be pumped with hot air. Those of us who are affected by these things should just keep it as real as possible!

  34. This post is the awesome. Every blogger should read this. Hooray for telling it like it is!

  35. Hell yeah! Thank God someone's finally telling the truth :P

  36. this is AMAZING! hahaha, I've thought all these things before - esp the health food (do you see the weird shit Rumi posts pictures of?) and the true love and perfect days - this really cracked me up! oh yeah, and the no apparent source of income - I am always blown away by some of the labels these bloggers are posting BUT I have found a few gems in consignment and thrift maybe that's how? haha! really, really LOVE this!!!

  37. Whooooot! It is about time someone said what we are all thinking! After Frankie was born I got very ill, everyday I would read Bleubird (she is still one of my faves) and I would get so down on myself....why couldn't i look this good and feel so great post childbirth. Thank god Miss James tells it like it is too....even though a lot of others don't. Thanks again for making us take off the rose tinted glasses.
    Toni xo

  38. AMEN to that! I laughed the entire time. Glad to see someone living a true life for once.

  39. Now excuse me while I go and get my wonderful boyfriend to shoot some photos of me wearing my newest Jeffrey Campbell shoes... ;)

  40. wow. just wow. I loved this post oh so much. I am a new reader to your blog, and it has quickly become one of my favorites.
    haha I especially love the comment on Jeffrey campbell shoes...seriously! how do they afford them!?

  41. HAHAHA #3 is my favorite!!! xo, leora

  42. You have completely covered every issue and struggle I have with the blogging world. Thank goodness you knew how to put it into words... i LOVE it.


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