this is real life: myth vs. reality

i'm posting this whilst i sit on top of my rainbow wearing $400 shoes, eating negative calorie foods, waiting for my lover to finish drawing me a hot bath sprinkled with rose petals. oh wait, that's right, i live in the REAL WORLD. i'm actually wearing pajama pants, a sweatshirt with holes, and thinking about cinnamon buns.

have you ever read blogs and thought to yourself, "is this shit for real?! my life sucks in comparison." i felt it was my duty, as a blogger that doesn't want to get sucked into the black hole that is fantasy land, to separate the myths from the realities.

i have a question. yes? what's your tone here, and why am i wearing clothes? sarcastic, always sarcastic. and i think you're wearing clothes because your human fell into the cat craze quicksand.

let me preface this by saying that obviously i can't speak for everyone, but i'm speaking for myself, and for some of my blogger friends that sit scratching their heads wondering how such ridiculous notions continue to not only live, but thrive like bacteria in blog world.

myth #1 - bloggers eat really super ultra healthy foods that taste like dirt (and in some cases, look like it, too), and the average person hasn't heard of and can't pronounce. reality: there's nothing wrong with healthy food, and i do enjoy broccoli, asparagus, salads, and berries, but i know for a fact that some of these bloggers enjoy a good greasy plate of crap just as much as the rest of us - including myself. i'm also highly suspicious of some of these vegetarians. i have a feeling that a good number of them are closet carnivores that jumped on the vegetarian wagon because it's what the cool kids were doing. my thought: if someone repeatedly tells you about the dirt-like food with a million grams of fiber that they're eating, you'll find an in & out burger wrapper in their trash (along with some coca-cola cans, candy wrappers, and some left over taco bell).

myth #2 - the relationship of the blogger is far more passionate, romantic, and intense than any other. reality: i might puke. never believe a blogger's relationship or marriage is any different than the ones you see on cops where the man is always wearing a soiled wife beater. i kid! or maybe i don't... but what i'm saying is this: many bloggers won't be honest and tell you about an argument or disagreement they had. why? because it doesn't translate well into fantasy fiction. chris and i are very much in love; when they're blooming, he'll surprise me with a bouquet of wildflowers that he picked while he was working on our land, or he'll make up songs and sing them to me while he's taking a shower (of course some of them are about how is wife abuses him or has a big butt, but that's our brand of humor), but it doesn't mean we're without our lovers quarrels. when i, and my friends, read about candlelight dinners EVERY night, endless love notes sealed with a kiss, or his & hers spa dates, or whatever else there is out there, we can't help but for a very tiny second compare our own marriages or relationships. but then reality sets in - if we wanted to live that life we could have saved the money from getting married and immersed ourselves in romance novels! in real relationships, sometimes you're too tired for sex, and somebody will eventually have diarrhea.

myth #3 - all bloggers have jeffrey campbell shoes and designer clothes but no apparent source of income. reality: i don't get it. i've talked to a few fellow bloggers about this very same subject, and they don't get it either. regardless of how closets are filled with a dozen pairs of $200 shoes, i can assure you that most of us don't have closets that could be featured on the style network. i mean, you've seen what i've worn, so obviously you know this isn't the case with me. about the closest my shoes come to being designer is the pair of isaac mizrahi for target peep toes i got on clearance. i'm not ashamed to say i have no fancy labels in my closet (unless you count j. crew from sample sales fancy), and that i get most of my clothes via thrifting, from target or tj maxx, and some hand-me-downs from my very stylish aunt kimberly.

myth #4 - bloggers do a lot of traveling. reality: the ones with important/fancy jobs or money probably do. given my current financial situation, the last few trips i've taken have been so graciously funded by my generous auntie amy. i didn't take a vacation this year, an although i dream on a daily basis of going to germany - to get in touch with my roots - or russia - because i've always thought it looked beautiful and interesting - the fact is, i may never go, because i have bills. believe you me, if i could take a trip once a month to some exotic location, or even just another state, i would, but until i become independently wealthy, i'll have to put this on hold.

myth #5 - bloggers only have happy, sunshiney days. reality: everyone gets pissed sometimes. of course there's no need to share every little thing that may annoy you or ruin your day, but honestly, i think that propelling the myth that things are 24/7 cotton candy and rainbows does a disservice to people not living in fantasy land. i know that some bloggers, including myself, like to every now and then see that someone else has had a bad day, a rude customer, a spat with a friend or spouse, etc., not because we thrive on the misery and pitfalls of others, but because it lets us see that they, like us, are real live humans. if i'm feeling in an exceptional bitchy mood, rest assured i'll try to stay away from social networking sites where i may contaminate an otherwise cheery atmosphere. i promise to always be real, whether that's good or bad, and to never address you by some term of endearment like dearie or lovie that i wouldn't say in real, off internet, life (but i guess that's a whole other story).

in closing, i love chick-fil-a fries and donuts, i get annoyed with my husband and slam doors from time to time, i wear cheap clothes, i don't have a passport, and i get pms. i hope we can still be friends.