from film with love. and then a rant.

the other week i posted some black and white film pictures that i'd scanned in, but since i couldn't decide on just four or five, i knew i'd need to split them up so as not to give you photo overload! also, things have been, well, crazy to say the least, so i haven't had a spare minute to look at any other pictures or even think of what else i should blog about.

i love the look of black and white pictures, but if i'm being completely honest, i'm not a huge fan of using black and white film. i guess if i'm going to use film, i want to see the soft colors, the variation in colors from light leaks, etc. oh, and it probably goes without saying, black and white is quite a bit more expensive to have developed that color film is!

i feel like i need to just get things off my chest now. i know that what's going on in my life has no bearing on many of the readers, but since a blog is a journal of sorts, it's a good place to just spill, right?

first, i'm still upset about helen passing away. about two hours after her funeral was over we had to get to a wedding rehearsal and it was difficult to hold it all together when i really just wanted to cry. i feel like so much has been going on lately that chris and i haven't been able to properly mourn. it saddens me to think that we'll no longer have a conversation about mockingbirds (her telling me they're too cross, me telling her she's wrong and they're amazing), her telling me she knew it was me before she saw me because of the sound of my walk, giving her a hair cut even though i told her i was too nervous to do it, and so many other things.

second, chris and i went to court this morning hoping to have a final judgement on the tens of thousands of dollars of backpay chris's former employer withheld. i should say i was surprised to find that wayne and his lawyer made a calculated move to file for bankruptcy on friday, but i guess i'm not. why is it that people with no moral compass always seem to get by and screw everyone else? what in the world could chris and i have done that was so bad we deserve this? try as i might, i cannot understand the workings of a corrupt mind. i want to choke wayne until he begs me to stop, i want to harass him until his only option is to pay up and skip town, i want to make him face some sort of consequence for his impropriety, but unfortunately i can't. several years ago when chris and i were on the way home from one of his motocross races, we were driving through a backwoods town in west virginia when we saw a sign that read, "bobby ray is a liar, a cheat and a thief." i laughed at the time, but now i wouldn't mind making my own to drive into the ground in front of his office that reads, "wayne hardison is a liar, a thief and a coward. do not trust this man." but my conscience stops me. i don't bring religion into my blog as i don't know others beliefs, and i've never liked those that push things on you, but to try and keep my anger and appetite for vengeance in check, i keep repeating to myself, "dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place to wrath: for it is written, vengeance is mine; I will repay, said the Lord." i sure hope vengeance will be served.

now i guess the ranting is over. i'm still going to be fuming mad for who knows how long, but i plan to eat a big philly cheesesteak dripping with pepper juice and lay on the sofa watching school of rock so at least i'll get some joy out of the day. i hope you had a good weekend!