i don't remember the last time i was so mad and upset all at once.

let me preface this by saying that if you follow me on twitter, i know you've already heard about it, and i do promise i'm not trying to stay hung up on this, but i'm still just so fuming mad i swear i could breathe fire if i tried.

i had planned today to show you pictures of the fun i had at my cousin emily's bachelorette party, but that won't can't happen. i'd also planned to eventually show you a before and after hair post i'd taken pictures of last week, but again, that can't happen. and as far as business goes, i have several new items i'd photographed and planned to list sometime this week, but once again, that. can't. happen.

after the girl's only half of the bachelorette party, the guys, girls, and other friends converged at a house empty and waiting for a fun night. there was a dj, there were drinks, and for my sister and i, there were dancing shoes! we had so much fun that i could have stayed until the sun came up had it not been for my heavy eyes. by about 2:30am, lauren (my sister), chris and i decided it was time to head home, just as soon as we gathered up the few things i had. the only problem was, my camera was missing. i knew exactly where i put it last, but hoping for the best, my cousin and i searched the house hoping against hope it had somehow been moved without my knowledge. it was nowhere to be found.

not only do i dislike talking about my feelings, i hate showing them if it means tears (unless of course it's with chris, then they run freely, and maybe even a little too much sometimes), but i was so shocked, irate, upset, so many things at once, that i couldn't help crying. who would do this? who has it in them to knowingly take something that doesn't belong to them? do they have a conscious? feel guilt? steal regularly?

i didn't sleep well that night because all i really wanted to do was cry, knowing that because of a legal battle involving almost a year of unpaid wages, and the attorney fees associated with said battle, it wasn't as simple as just upgrading to a shiny new camera - a side effect of what chris and i like to call "the poor kid syndrome." at first i was so upset about my camera being gone with a mystery thief, but then i started to think about all of the pictures i so desperately want that i'll never see again - pictures of our trip to d.c. for chris's birthday, pictures of my time with carla, pictures of emily's bachelorette party, pictures of jewelry, and videos. all gone.

i tried to make myself feel somewhat better by remembering that this is the camera that has been giving me trouble recently with not powering on, turning off when i'm in the middle of taking pictures, and often times, not focusing. but, whether this was a high dollar fully-functioning camera or a pice of junk, it was mine. MINE. it was the first thing i ever bought myself with my earnings from online sales, and i'm certain the camera thief doesn't understand just how proud i was or just how big my smile was when i went to buy it.

it was an impulse and opportune grab, i'm sure, and while i imagine this thief is not concerned with how they made me feel, they didn't only take from me a camera. they took memories, they took a bit of sentiment, and they took my obviously naive trusting nature in the inner good of people.

i know it may seem overly dramatic for me to be so upset about a 4-year-old point and shoot camera that only worked when it wanted, but i value and appreciate every single thing i own, because i know i earned it myself, and because i grew up knowing that things wouldn't come free.

i hate doing a blog post without a picture, but in this case, i think it's only fitting. i hope you had a great weekend, and i'll try to be in a better, less teary-eyed mood the next time we talk.